Half Empty

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Psalm 139:23
New International Version (NIV)

This morning, I was really getting into my “poor-me-tomorrow-is-Monday-and-I-don’t-want-to-go-to-work” pity party. My sister and I texted back and forth about work woes. She encouraged me with positive words, which is NOT like her. I’m the positive one. Lately, I have had trouble feeling positive. If Big Sis is more positive than me, I must be LOW!

Then my daughter came to me with a picture she drew. “Mrs. H. has a poster like this in her classroom.”

“Why are you showing me this?” I know I am not always good at hiding my negativity, but she can’t overhear my texting!

“I was drinking some water and remembered it.”

“Hmmph. Cool,” I say. But when she walks away, I direct my inner gaze to the Lord…

“Okay. I get it.”

I’ll try.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
New International Version (NIV)

Lead on

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:23-26

As I read that verse, I felt the Ghostly grip of the Lord on my right hand. I felt the Phantom tug from my right shoulder, drawing my body up and out of my seat.

And yet, I did not move. Because my first thought was, “But I’m right handed. If you lead me by my right hand, Lord, then I am essentially handcuffed.”

He said, “Yes.”

“Oh….I see.”

My left hand is incapable of taking me anywhere. It is awkward–the only thing good about my left hand is how nicely my nails are painted.

Handcuff me to You, Lord. Don’t let me even try to lead myself. I’d rather go where You take me. Even when (gasp) I have no idea where You want me to go.

Strength of my heart, lead on.

REAL: Five-Minute Friday

REAL is messy. REAL is rude. Sometimes I have to change what is REAL to what is RIGHT.

I am REAL when I gripe, but RIGHT when I find peace. I am REAL when I cry, but RIGHT when I accept. I am REAL when I get angry and shake a finger in their faces, but RIGHT when instead I forgive and lead.

I want my REAL to be less messy. I want the deep down inside me to be less gruesome, less of the flesh and more of the Spirit. Change me from the inside out, Lord. Take the raw mess of my broken REAL, cleanse it and make my soul RIGHT.

{I am linking to Gypsy Mama’s Five-Minute Friday today. Five minutes on a topic, no editing, just write.}