His Bride

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

Ephesians 5:22

I am a dutiful daughter, loving the advice and encouragement of my father and mother.

I teach adolescents to think, plan, and focus.  I am adept at admonishing and correcting.  My students admire me and seek my approval.

I am entrenched in my role as mother. I have raised babies, primary school children, and teenagers.  My children make me proud; they have learned to watch their words, apologize, show respect.

As a teacher, mother, daughter, I flourish.  But in my role as wife, I flounder.

I have treated my husband as a child—admonishing and correcting, expecting remorse and forgiveness as I would from my children.  I distrust and question and prod.  I have made my love conditional: when he listens, when he acts as I expect, I am gracious, but when he fails, I pout.  When he disappoints, I force apologies.

I am totally comfortable taking instruction from a parent and I feel purpose in directing children in the Way.  But as a lover, I have fallen short.

I have not accepted my husband as he is, but tried to change him.  I have not LOVED him as he is, but reprimanded him.  I have not respected him and followed him with complete trust.

Not a dutiful bride.

If I have failed at being an earthly bride…how could I have success as the Bride of Christ?

I have taken His advice as my Father.  I have learned from Him as my Teacher.  But have I let Him be the Lover of my Soul?  Have I rejoiced in Him, enjoyed Him, lavished in His Love?

I have tried to change You, too, Lord.  I ask, “Are You sure?”  “Isn’t there another way?”  I doubt, I nag, and I second-guess.

I have forgotten two first loves.  The One who loved me first and the one He gave me.

And, yes, Lord, I see that he is a gift you gave me.  He is not perfect.  I am not either.  I owe my own set of apologies.  I need to be the change in our house.

Jesus, teach me to languish in Your Love, his love.  Show me how to stop being that dripping faucet but instead a quiet and gentle spirit.  Help me respect and honor him without the questioning and doubt.  If I can be his bride, I can be Your Bride.

Jesus, I lay down my pride for it has hindered me.